Marriage. Marriage is what brings me to blog, today.

Even though I am not considered "old" quite yet, sometimes I feel it. My bones ache on a daily basis, I find myself passing up sweets for granola, I shake my fist at 'melding kids' for driving to fast on the highway, and it seems that a vast majority of my friends are engaging in matrimony.

I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half about a year and a half ago (oh, the irony). When we ended our very serious relationship, I truly believed that I would be the first to bounce back. After all, I was the "strong" one in the relationship, and I was the one that was breaking up with HIM. However, irony decided to kick me in the pants about six months later when I learned that he got a new girlfriend. WHAT?! The confidence I once had in my flirtatious abilities completely left. Gone. Buh bye. I soon discovered that I happen to be amazingly awkward around the opposite sex, usually substituting creepiness for flirtation. And the saga continues.

However, though I am single, I am generally happy. I do complain quite a bit about seeing relationship statuses change due to a ring coming into the mix. I really am satisfied with being single, though. It gives me the ability to travel anywhere I want:) And I feel like it gives me a chance to be dependent on myself and become a better person for (hopefully) the future "Mr. Right." So, I say 'mazel tov' to all of my friends who are shopping for dresses and suits! Just make sure I get an invite ;)

I am like a peanut can.

You know, those cans of "peanuts" that were continually offered to you  in grade school on April Fool's Day? The ones that seemed like innocents canisters containing salty nuts, but when opened, you were utterly exasperated to discover plastic snakes being catapulted at you face. It gets you every time. Doesn't it?

Well, this evening I would like to compare myself to one of those poignant pranks. I am one of those types of people who subconsciously bottles things up deep, deep into my inner most being, inside a cage that has too many locks to count and no keys to relieve them of their duties. It is here that the stresses of my life go to rest for only short moments in my very short life. It is here that the spontaneous combustion occurs, and some how, some way, the locks, chains and weldings are broken, only to release these demons that have been longing for emotions to feed off of. It is here that the gremlins begin to eat away at any feeling they can reach, and it is here that the damn will breech. The dam will breech and the river will flow. The waves will run to where only God knows. And it is here where these wretches, these imps, take control of the last feeling I possess.

So what I am to do, but surprise every one of you? With an explosion of snakes in your face?

Can't Someone Just Get Me Out of Here?

I really hate it when you think you are completely over someone, but then stand in their presence and discover that you're not. The flood of reasons why they are so delightful begin to pour into the crevices of your mind. And then, only then, do you realize how much you enjoyed their smile, laugh and silly personality. And you do not enjoy the way they try to make eye contact with you, which merely seems like a mockery to your current status. You laugh at all their silly jokes, but then quickly look away as if you were laughing at the air and how funny it is that we breathe it. Yes, I hate it when his parents ask you about your life, but he inquires not one question about your life after you've completely embarrassed yourself by exposing your vulnerability. Or he acts as if nothing has happened. That is what I hate.

Of course, I am phlegmatic, and above all, hate confrontation.

True Friendship

SONNET 73

That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou seest the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the death-bed whereon it must expire
Consumed with that which it was nourish'd by.
   This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
   To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

                                        - Our Dear Friend Shakespeare

The Unsung Sonnet

Ah, my lonesome love
Let us come together and meet
No matter where the greet
Is it fate that draws us near?
Or the divine hand
That leads us to this foreign land?

Ah, my lonesome love
Let us run away with each other
Forgetting father and mother.
Will we ever be alike again?
Two lovers striving for perfection
May end in lacking affection.

Ah, my lonesome love
Let us forget and embrace
And forgive ourselves in grace.
Can we not simply live
And dismiss the world from our minds?
Lest we forever remain blind.
                       - R

Sometimes I wish I could just be secksy.

Oh What A World This Life Could Be

So, it turns out that my life is not as tumultuous as I first perceived it to be. Which is great right?! Thankfully, I am NOT failing any of my classes! Which is quite amazing, if I do say so myself.

However, do you ever feel like you could be doing something so much better with you life? Lately, I've felt this way. I feel like I become too headstrong about meaningless things such as clothing, Facebook, my weight, men, and even my blog... I feel like I could be doing something so much more meaningful with this short time I have. I need to "go do," as Jonsi would say. But what am I going to do? How can I make a difference in this vast wheat field when I am merely one grain? I need inspiration. Because this just won't do.

I guess I'll have to stew over this... speaking of which, I'm hungry.

Sad Silly Stories of My Sort of Sad, Silly Satirical Soul

Within past month or two I feel as if I have gone through hell and back again. Literally. My grandmother, whom I was very close to, passed away, my uncle passed away last Wednesday, I have not been doing well in any of my classes, I flunked a Biology test, I just received the "just friends" talk, discovered that money is the worst thing to have between a loving family and the crowning bright red cherry on top of this melting sundae is the fact that I feel apathetic towards the most important thing in my life.
Needless to say, I've been stressed. However, I know that everyone goes through these awful experiences. Heck, there are people out there that don't have ANYTHING. Therefore, through this mess I've decided to be thankful for what I have (even though it might be slightly crappy). Being thankful and at least slightly optimistic, in my opinion, is far better than stewing in my own stress and selfishness.
Hopefully, the sun will come up soon.

Uncle Dale Died Today of a Massive Heart Attack.

I'm upset. Nay, devastatingly upset. I feel as if things just suck right now.

I'm so upset that I can't even write anything on my blog that wouldn't be profane or inappropriate.

I hate it when people die.

Romanticism is fleeting within my aging life

So here's the thing; I may or may not go on a rant within the next ten seconds. Prepare yourselves.

First of all, my love life is once again dormant.

Second, why do these things need to be so complicated? Now I know, of all people, that these are words better said than done. However, I feel like it shouldn't be that hard to tell someone that you admire them. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that a compliment by saying, "Hey, I really like you, because of the following reasons?" Shouldn't people bask in the compliment of someone finding them attractive and just plain great? And, again, this is easier said than done, but I just wish it wasn't completely improbable to the phlegmatic mind.

Third, I feel like I just can't get guys to be attracted to me. Now I know what you're thinking, "Oh come on, it's not that hard, and plus you are a girl! And boys like girls! (no pun intended)." Well, the fact of the matter is that I haven't had an admirer/lover, or whatever you wish to name it, for over a year and a half; since I broke up with my serious boyfriend. This sucks. I just feel like no matter what I do, I just can't be more than a friend to any male humanoid  I encounter.

Ef.

I hate that I'm crazy sometimes..

My Life. In Short.

Today, I am stressed. So far this week, I have made over 90 cupcakes- frosted and baked-, hot glued over magnets onto 300 Scrabble tiles, planned a wedding shower, made five felt flowers, taken three quizzes, a test, planned a student appreciation day, slowly watched my sanity flee from me, and on top of all of this, I've attempted to establish a love life for myself.

It's only Wednesday.

When I look at the stars, I see someone else.

Got Friends?

So there are some days in my life when I feel as if I have no friends. Its not necessarily because I am being neglected by the friends I do have, or lack there of, but simply because the feeling creeps up on me like a rabid squirrel on the sidewalk. For some strange reason, I will be sitting in my room, class, or, heck, practically anywhere in the world (and I mean that quite literally) and get pelted with the aching feeling that "nobody likes me, everybody hates me." Then I sit and sulk about all the "bad" things in my life and over analyze everything that people do and say to me. However, today was not one of those silly days.

Last week was my birthday and in celebration of it my friend Chad decided to send me a package in the mail. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I LOVE receiving things in the mail. It could be a bill for school and I would still jump for joy because the letter was addressed to me. So I was extremely elated when I got a package slip in my dorm mailbox today. I then went to the mail room, asked for my coveted treasure, and opened it as soon as possible. There were a bunch of goodies in it, including a nice two page letter, written by my comrade. Unfortunately I had quite the busy day and couldn't read it on the spot, but when I did, I was elated. I won't go into detail, but lets just say I am thankful for wonderful friends who take the time to care about my life in general. Especially those that write me two page letters with a mix CD to go with it.

"Good friends are like the wind. You may not be able to see them at the moment, but they can move you even from far away."- Me, myself & I

Thoughts Formed by Watson

Today I woke up early. I went to my first two classes and am now in my last class of the day. As I'm not paying attention to what our instructor in saying, for that matter, what anyone is saying... I did catch one of my fellow students comment that writers always think about what they are writing. I, however, slightly disagree with that. I find that whenever I write (not to deem myself so quickly as a write, per say) I find that there is an absence of thought. Whenever I write anything, it is usually on a whim or very spontaneous. For instance, I haven't written a blog in.... several weeks, and yet here I am, on a whim, spontaneously writing this blog for few of you to see. I feel that some passion, some eloquence can, in fact, be produced by the absence of thought. This is merely a new theory that I have come up with within the last... oh... 10 seconds, but I believe that it is a valid one. Sometimes thought, at least the process of thought, can be so cumbersome to one's artistic adventures.

I Am Starting To Sense Your Location...

Unfortunately, my name is Constance.

Sometimes I wish my name was Caroline.
Not cuz I hate the one I've had
But simply cuz all them boys would surely go mad
Over me and my darling name,
Oh my, oh what a sight!
Those boys would line right up to my door clear past midnight.

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

They'd all be linin' up at my front step
Comin' from miles and miles around!
They'd be tryin for my attention,
Yellin and shoutin my name

"Caroline, oh Caroline, Oh Caroline won't you please!
Just come out here, oh, Caroline,
We think you're just the bees knees!"

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

I'd come out on my terrace,
For a rich gal I would be,
My golden curls would be a bouncin'
And all them boy eyes fixed on me.

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

I'd pick me out a good man,
Pick him right out of that patch.
My mama would be proud and say,
"Sweetheart, that ones a catch."

And he'd say
"Caroline, oh Caroline, Oh Caroline won't you please!
Just take my hand, Oh, Caroline
Won't you plumb just marry me?"

Sometimes I wish my name was Caroline,
And here's the reason why
I'd find me a good man,
And with him I'd get to fly.

But today that's not my name,
No, it never will be mine.
But I'll dream until the day I die
That my name would be Caroline.

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

"Caroline, Oh Caroline, Oh Caroline, I'd be!
God won't you name me Caroline,
So I can be happy."

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

Pomukkale, Turkey

No more second hand smoke, camel dung or baklava...

We are going home. Because home is where the heart is. Unfortunately most of my heart will be in the Midwest with my parents, and they will not be at home upon my arrival. But such is life. 

Last night was probably the most fun I've had in awhile... which is the equivalent to a couple of days since I've been having such a swell time. Anyway, it was our last night in Istanbul and a group of us decided to hit the town and try to see all we could see before we left. One of our goals was to also perform Istanbul by They Might Be Giants. If your ears have not been plagued by this exceedingly catchy song, please stop reading this blog and look it up on YouTube. Its essential. So we took the local, very crowded transit system and headed for the Spice Market down town. Upon arrival, we set up shop, with myself playing the kazoo and back up vocals, Mr. Weller on the uke and vocals and Mr. Chadwich mainly looked awesome in his authentic Turkish fez hat. It was a hit. We had quite a few admirers gathering to hear our melodious song. 

My favorite part of this exertion was after we sang Istanbul and the small crowd around us asked us to sing an encore. We picked a lovely song called 5 Years Times by Noah and the Whale (great song/band, check it out). It was quite the hit, and there were people dancing little gigs and trying to sing along with us even though they had no idea what we were singing. It was only after we were done that our little crowd decided to move along, when one man told us goodbye and said, 'Just like your song! Where ever you go there will be love, love, love!'

People, no matter what language we speak, where we live, food we eat or even songs we sing, all have one thing in common: we all want to love and be loved. We all want some sort of hope in our lives that there is good in humanity. There is. You may disagree with me, however, the next time you feel like a cynic or skeptic, try singing. It just might make you feel love. 

Unfortunately, No One Can Go to Constantinople.

So this is our last full day of our trip. I'm sorry I haven't been able to blog as much as expected, but some of the hotels we have resided at are slightly greedy about sharing their internet with poor student travelers. But anyway, we are in Istanbul, Turkey at the moment and spent most of our day at the Spice Market and Grand Bazaar. I don't think I've smelled so many... unique smells all at once. My nose was a bit overwhelmed by the time we cleared the area. There were also as many smells as there were people... so many people. I feel as if personal space does not exist on this side of the world being as mine has almost left me completely, due to the immense swarms of Turks that I have closely encountered today. But lack of personal space or not, today was a good day. I bought some mate and apple loose leaf teas (which I was more than elated about), some Turkish Delight, and also some souvenirs for some friends- you know who you are. Tonight we are finishing our wonderful day with a Bosforous cruise through the city. Looking forward to the lights and sounds of the city. Overall, I have loved Turkey. Although I did find myself strangely craving falafel today...

Cappadocia, Tapioca and Bread

Yesterday we barely made our plane to Turkey, much to the annoyance of the passengers that had to wait for about an hour for us to arrive. But we are here, and that's all that really matters right now.

So I'm sitting on the patio that is right above our hotel swimming pool, contemplating on whether or not I'm going to pretend that I have gotten lost and somehow not make it onto the bus tomorrow morning, so that I can live in Cappadocia forever... I've seriously fallen in love with this place. It not only is dry and warm (which would be good for my general well-being) , but the scenery is magnificent. Its as if the good Lord shaped this place with his bare hands and not only called it 'good', but excellently precious in his sight. The sun seems to shine extra lovingly upon all that lives and breathes here, and the wind does not howl, because it is perfectly content.

Today we visited the Gerome Open Air Museum, which was a plethora of houses and churches, carved into the side of lava formed cliffs. These places were amazing! It was like lightly stepping into a whole other world. Late in the day we went and visited the pottery shop of Chez Galip, one of the most famous potters in Turkey. Having taken some pottery classes before, I was in awe of this man's craftsmanship. He wheeled a masterpiece (one that he considered junk) in a matter of seconds; something that could take me hours. After the day, we retired to our rooms and then went to eat dinner at the extravagant buffet provided by our hotel. There I helped myself to bread with dipping oil and herbs. A perfect ending to a wonderful day.

Mountains, Seas and Israel OH MY!

So I'm sorry to my followers about the time span in which I have written another blog. I have not had free wi-fi wherever I have gone, and be cheap... means no wi-fi for me. Oh well, such is life.
Just wanted to make sure all of you knew that my life is amazing. I think I've said that everyday of this wonderful trip. Even now I'm sitting by the pool in our hotel in scenic Eilat, Israel. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I can smell breakfast being made even I as type this out. Also, I would like to let all of you know that in the last 24 hours, I have climbed, yes CLIMBED, Mt. Sinai triumphantly, and seen the extravagant sunrise over the Sinai Mountain range. It was breath taking. I mean literally, we hiked for about 2 hours through the valley and up the mountain itself. But it was definitely well worth it. God is good, because I certainly thought that someone would have to call my parents, explaining to them that there daughter had died from fear of falling rather than actually falling off Mt. Sinai.
Today we are going to Masada and Qumram. I'm excited for both of these places because one of them means I get to "float" in the Dead Sea. Hopefully I won't be the first person to drown...

Hello Seattle

Yes, I know. My title is slightly cliche and you, my diligent reader, are probably rather disgusted with me at the moment, or completely oblivious to the Adam Young reference. Either way, I will say that I appreciate the song of origin, and will defend the talents of this bright young man. But putting overrated song lyrics aside, I am in one of the most eclectic cities in the world, waiting to go to possibly the city with the most marijuana per capita. You guessed it- Amsterdam. This potent pot loaded city is the first stop of  many that I will be enjoying within the next three weeks.

For those of your who are looking at my blog, baffled as to what in the good world I am talking about, the answer is simple. I am privileged enough to have the opportunity to embark upon a scholarly journey to the Middle East; countries that include The Netherlands, Israel, Jordan, Sinai, and Greece are part of our itinerary. At the present moment, it isn't quite real to me that I am actually going on this trip. There were many complications with merely getting me to this point, sitting in the food court at the Sea-Tac airport, people watching and listening to the melodious words Blind Pilot. I just thank the good Lord that I am able to be sitting here, people watching and listening, listening and people watching.

More updates will come soon! Please keep reading and praying.